I’m at a crossroads. I want to give up, but I want to be better. I am not satisfied with my life. I’m angry with my body for fighting me as I try to better myself. I’m tired.

I’m training for a half marathon. I will be seven months and one week post-op from hip surgery the day of the marathon. I am doing it to prove I can.

My body want to prove otherwise.

My hip is fine. I had a textbook recovery and was cleared to run by both my PT and my surgeon. I have been following a training plan that was devised by one of the leading sports PTs in the area. The first half of my training was completely uneventful. Sure there were bad runs – sometimes absolutely miserable runs – but nothing extraordinary. Then a week and a half ago I had shin splints make a special guest appearance in my left leg. I’m 23 days away from the marathon and am so frustrated that I want to throw in the towel and say, “Eff it.”

My body was not built for running. I used to be a lifter. Well, I became a lifter, but now I’m not. I miss it, but not enough to push through the first several sucky weeks to start seeing some progress and start lifting some respectable weights. I feel like a failure.

I don’t like where this leaves me.